I’m not calling names or pointing fingers. Honestly, I know very damn clearly that all of us have narcissistic traits. Every one of us.
This article helped me come to terms with still missing her now and then, my Stardust. Because in her shined the things I loved most about myself.
As much as I recognize the toxic cycles we became trapped in, I also have many wonderful memories of the time we had. I still love her, even if I can’t be with her. I’m coming to terms with that.
Even better, I love me MORE. Never again will I risk everything, including my life, for love. Because a healthy love would NEVER ask me to do that, no matter how good it felt.
From the article:
“Narcissists are our darkest mirror.
Whatever you most long for, whatever you most seek, whatever you truly are, the narcissist can see it. They use this understanding to manufacture feelings in you, to torment and play with you. Whether they do it out of jealously and lack (all narcs are empty), for the challenge associated with manipulating someone talented/empathic/special/vulnerable, or out of sheer boredom, narcissists can only reflect what’s already there.
Loving and losing a narcissist can be an anhilation event. When he’s no longer there to show us our reflection, it can feel like he took every little piece of us with him. But those pieces were there before the narcissist came along.
Narcissistic relationships offer us the gift of acknowledgement. Reinforcement of our truest and highest self. Whenever I missed my ex, I paused to reflect back on the aspects I most longed for, tracing the contours of his false personality, finding that all originates within me.
I became, for the first time, self-actualized and deeply happy.”
https://www.quora.com/How-long-does-it-take-to-stop-missing-a-narcissist/answers/106415310
She emulated the things I loved most about myself. That’s why she was so perfect. Even when she wasn’t. And I don’t believe she did it all to manipulate me. She truly believed her love was true as well. Until the end. Then there definitely were things said and done that weren’t based in love, but rather were based in fear. If I’d not been so blinded and wanted so very hard to believe then we never would have gotten as far as we did.
I won’t worship the ground someone walks on again. Never. I should be worshiping my own feet on the path meant for me. I’m learning, slowly, that the traits that draw me most to someone are the things I love most about me.
Day by day, I’m learning.
A Burd in Flight 