Recently I saw this as a prompt for a post online:
“…some of the stonefemmes I have talked to recently have an interesting way of describing themselves in their relationship to stonebutches. One called herself a “vessel” and another a “canvas.”
In your ideal scenario:
Femmes, how would you describe yourself?
Butches, how would you describe your femme?”
My response is below:
Sigh. As poetic as it is, and as appealing it is to be a canvas or vessel…and I’m Aquarian, a water-bearer, a vessel, it does come more naturally for me to think that way. Especially having grown up in a doomsday cult that looks at women as inferior.
I can no longer romanticize being something waiting for the “right one” to fill me. I am whole and full on my own, and love it that way. I do love being the receiver, the soft place to fall, the oasis in this harsh world. But I am those things for me first. I don’t exist as such for someone else’s comfort or to save someone. If I end up being their safe place it’s because I’ve allowed them to join me there, because I was there doing it for myself first.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE being the pretty thing on someone’s arm, if they’ve earned it by being incredible on their own. I’m not an accessory, I’m not waiting to be filled, I am whole ❤️
That said, I have always been strongly fond of the comfort found in being a “helper” and “compliment” to someone I respect. And I’ve many times loved being able to help someone back to their feet, cheering them along the way.
I hope my strength inspires others to be better, for themselves. In that way I hope I can inspire and be a muse and help them to become all they can be, for THEM, not for me.
I’m still mulling over this, because years ago I’d love the image of being the canvas or vessel to facilitate incredible works of art. But who marvels at the canvas or vase on its own? Most people admire the paint and mastery of the artist, not even seeing the canvas. That’s not enough for me. I’m not something to be painted over and expected to hold the work of others while being an invisible supporter. No thank you.
My ideal is that I continue to be improving myself, for me. And someday maybe I’ll walk alongside someone doing it for themselves as well, and our paths will align. But I’m not waiting for a hiking partner before starting on that trail for myself. They’ll catch up, if they exist.
A Burd in Flight 