I was driving home yesterday and it struck me. A switch flipped. Just like getting sober, a switch flipped.
I finally comprehend that my Stardust simply wasn’t right for me. And it’s not anyone’s fault. She couldn’t know at the beginning that she’d never trust me. And she tried so hard. I, in turn, couldn’t know that either.
We simply weren’t the right fit. And we learned so much about ourselves. I hope she did.
I don’t feel an overwhelming urge for her today. The one I’ve had for almost three years. Especially since I returned to Texas at the beginning of February eight months ago. I ache and miss her, yes. But I don’t miss how I felt when with her. And none of that is either of our faults.
It’s a fucking gorgeous day. I’m gonna go out in the woods somewhere for a little bit and hope the realizations set in so I can finally have a modicum of peace. For as long as it might last.
Missing her doesn’t feel like dying anymore.
A Burd in Flight 