Author Archives: fleeburd

Bloom

when you pass the mirror, do your eyes only see the light behind you afraid to catch your own eye then you’d have to forgive yourself heart so big it echoes the skies, storming down jagged arrows of anger while you burn so deeply you only smell soot afraid of your own voice because itContinue reading “Bloom”

Not her fault or mine.

I was driving home yesterday and it struck me. A switch flipped. Just like getting sober, a switch flipped. I finally comprehend that my Stardust simply wasn’t right for me. And it’s not anyone’s fault. She couldn’t know at the beginning that she’d never trust me. And she tried so hard. I, in turn, couldn’tContinue reading “Not her fault or mine.”

I did learn

Quite a lot, I’m seeing more every day. Now, the time I was there in Idaho, last year exactly. She taught me so much. These eight months of isolation and solitude has taught me even more. I’ve seen that everything she hated the most about herself she saw in her mom and others she loved.Continue reading “I did learn”

Walkabout

Woke desperately needing some wild, so took my ass out for a walk. Hike. Both. It’s one of my favorite spots around here, just isolated (and unpopular) enough that I rarely ever see others in the same area. There’s a river with numerous wash-out areas that all lead to the water. The riverbed is carvedContinue reading “Walkabout”

Because why not

I haven’t felt pretty in ever so long. Months and months. She knew how to make me feel pretty and loved, and voiced so many words of adoration almost every day that now I wonder if those too are a lie. I wonder if she was wrong and so am I and I’m a monsterContinue reading “Because why not”

Anniversary

I am sober today two years. I should have died. I tried to. I turned yellow. I got so skinny my clothes were falling off. I puked and cried and stank as the toxins left me. My eyes were always wet from crying and yellow and dry from my flagging liver. I was held andContinue reading “Anniversary”

Pouring and poring

It’s raining outdoors, the incensed sky is coming in the cracked window, raining heat onto my floor. I just finished a shift at my new job and it feels like I just woke, really, even though I just finished an eight hour shift. I’m getting goosebumps hearing the raindrops misting the tree outside, slapping theContinue reading “Pouring and poring”

Stepping in the footprints of giants

Yesterday I grabbed one of my favorite humans and took us to a sacred place. Not far from here is a very little known spot in a riverbed that has ancient footprints from two different kind of dinosaurs, one a large brontosaurus-like critter and the other a smaller velociraptor-like predator called an acrocathosaurus. There areContinue reading “Stepping in the footprints of giants”