My entire existence I’ve been told “a woman’s sexual prime is in her 40’s…I looked forward to feeling that rush, that high, of being there. Feeling more myself than ever. Having a confidence I couldn’t have imagined before. Of being seen by others in a light I never had. In many ways most of thoseContinue reading “Prime of My Life”
Tag Archives: alcoholic
Dreams
We all dream of ourselves…especially when we dream of houses, or places we live. I’ve several places I return to in my dreams repeatedly. One is a wild spring that feeds into a river and every time I dream of it it’s different. Sometimes it’s being overrun by destructive humans. Sometimes it’s wild and free.Continue reading “Dreams”
Re-Birthday
I woke to a glorious morning today. Thunderstorms last night washed the humidity away and left every branch and leaf I passed with glittering morsels of light. The dew hung heavier with the raindrops that didn’t fall from leaves. A gift for my re-birthday. My eyes aren’t stained with tears this morning. Three years agoContinue reading “Re-Birthday”
A hermit. No, really
I’m just realizing that I’ve been more antisocial for the past few weeks. Which isn’t a bad thing. It feels deep inside like I need to preserve the peace I have and not reach out to those I love. It infuriates me, but that’s how it is in my brain. I’ve had my son withContinue reading “A hermit. No, really”
Fifty-two days, my Son my sun
Today after school is out my son gets to come spend time with me. I miss him like the trees miss the rain, like the earth misses the moon, skies dark without him, only little pricks of starlight to find my way. Every other weekend means twenty-six weekends a year and a few holidays. ItContinue reading “Fifty-two days, my Son my sun”
“Almost none of us commit suicide, and almost all of us self-destruct.”
It’s a cold and breezy morning here, wind is blustering in grey clouds and there’s a chill in the air that belongs on green Irish moors, not Texas in (almost) April. This morning I’m introspective and for the first time in weeks I didn’t wake with an overwhelming dread, anxiety closing off the world aroundContinue reading ““Almost none of us commit suicide, and almost all of us self-destruct.””
As a tree
The dregs of anxiety have begun to recede and aren’t hanging their angry fingers over my head every day. At last. Although my palms sweat again just writing about it. It’s manageable, as if my body just had to take a few weeks to recognize it for what it was and relax again. CBD oilsContinue reading “As a tree”
Anniversary
I am sober today two years. I should have died. I tried to. I turned yellow. I got so skinny my clothes were falling off. I puked and cried and stank as the toxins left me. My eyes were always wet from crying and yellow and dry from my flagging liver. I was held andContinue reading “Anniversary”
A Burd in Flight 