fleeburd

“Almost none of us commit suicide, and almost all of us self-destruct.”

It’s a cold and breezy morning here, wind is blustering in grey clouds and there’s a chill in the air that belongs on green Irish moors, not Texas in (almost) April. This morning I’m introspective and for the first time in weeks I didn’t wake with an overwhelming dread, anxiety closing off the world aroundContinue reading ““Almost none of us commit suicide, and almost all of us self-destruct.””

“Nature never deceives us; it is always we who deceive ourselves.” – Jean-Jacques Rousseau “Merton writes of solitaries that we are ‘a mute witness, a secret and even invisible expression of love which takes the form of their own option for solitude in preference to the acceptance of social fictions.’ And what love are weContinue reading

As a tree

The dregs of anxiety have begun to recede and aren’t hanging their angry fingers over my head every day. At last. Although my palms sweat again just writing about it. It’s manageable, as if my body just had to take a few weeks to recognize it for what it was and relax again. CBD oilsContinue reading “As a tree”

Absence of silence

“Not till we are lost, in other words, not till we have lost the world, do we begin to find ourselves, and realize where we are and the infinite extent of our relations.” – Henry David Thoreau “The image of myself which I try to create in my own mind in order that I mayContinue reading “Absence of silence”

Cacophony of chainsaws

Right now as I write there are echoes of chainsaws from multiple households on the street. The Texas Snowpocalypse killed so many trees, shattering them with the weight of ice. The unprecedented weather here weighed on the wildlife and growing things just as much as it did on any of us humans. I’d sit atContinue reading “Cacophony of chainsaws”

Fingernails black with soil

Last weekend I spent half a day clearing out old growth and weeds and grass overtaking my little garden beds. It felt right that when the sun was shining and warm, after quite a bit of rain, that I pull and dig and carry countless armfuls of bracken from the beds. That I pull offContinue reading “Fingernails black with soil”

In so many ways. Yes. I love being alone.

Loss of a family

I miss my parents tonight. Growing up a Jehovah’s Witness they were my entire world. Our little congregation was all I knew. My father, a pilot, a machinist, a pirate, a fascinating big-hearted man. My mother a hippie, nature-loving, passionate, creative artist. All of course within the confines of the expectations of the religion. MyContinue reading “Loss of a family”

Snow in Texas …And thoughts on needing to NOT be needed

We haven’t had so much snow in this area in forty years I think. It’s charming and reminds me of being in Idaho this time last year. I think it’s beautiful even as it reminds me of what I left behind. I need to be not needed. More than I need water, or air. IContinue reading “Snow in Texas …And thoughts on needing to NOT be needed”