Quite a lot, I’m seeing more every day. Now, the time I was there in Idaho, last year exactly. She taught me so much. These eight months of isolation and solitude has taught me even more. I’ve seen that everything she hated the most about herself she saw in her mom and others she loved.Continue reading “I did learn”
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Walkabout
Woke desperately needing some wild, so took my ass out for a walk. Hike. Both. It’s one of my favorite spots around here, just isolated (and unpopular) enough that I rarely ever see others in the same area. There’s a river with numerous wash-out areas that all lead to the water. The riverbed is carvedContinue reading “Walkabout”
Because why not
I haven’t felt pretty in ever so long. Months and months. She knew how to make me feel pretty and loved, and voiced so many words of adoration almost every day that now I wonder if those too are a lie. I wonder if she was wrong and so am I and I’m a monsterContinue reading “Because why not”
My delusion
Anniversary
I am sober today two years. I should have died. I tried to. I turned yellow. I got so skinny my clothes were falling off. I puked and cried and stank as the toxins left me. My eyes were always wet from crying and yellow and dry from my flagging liver. I was held andContinue reading “Anniversary”
Pouring and poring
It’s raining outdoors, the incensed sky is coming in the cracked window, raining heat onto my floor. I just finished a shift at my new job and it feels like I just woke, really, even though I just finished an eight hour shift. I’m getting goosebumps hearing the raindrops misting the tree outside, slapping theContinue reading “Pouring and poring”
The Invitation
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.I want to know what you ache forand if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing. It doesn’t interest me how old you areI want to know if you will risk looking like a foolfor lovefor your dreamsfor the adventure of being alive. ItContinue reading “The Invitation”
The love of my life
She was. So much of me still believes she is, and will always be. As much as I’m sobbing now missing her I was sobbing when I was with her. She really tried. She did. So hard. She gave herself as much as she could. I don’t blame her for the things she bore beforeContinue reading “The love of my life”
Distanced
This pandemic has changed so so much. I don’t have much in common with anyone anymore it feels like. I’ve been distancing myself from close friends and not sure why. Haven’t wanted to write. I desperately need some outdoor time. But it’s too fucking hot and I can’t take it. It’s death outside right nowContinue reading “Distanced”
I needed that
Took kiddo for a picnic by the creek on my parent’s property. We don’t get to visit much, and things are awkward what with the shunning requirement of their faith, but it was lovely. Mom had found a sewing machine for me, made in probably the 50s or 60s, a neat old Singer that willContinue reading “I needed that”
A Burd in Flight 