This. Through all the heartache. The numbness that’s plagued me for the past five years. This is why I don’t regret loving who I’ve loved. Because it’s all part of me. And knowing I’m capable of so much passion and love is a wonderful thing. My muse needs to be myself, and it always was,Continue reading “From Every Beautiful Mile by Ashley Manley”
Tag Archives: anger
Sunday
Sitting thinking there was nothing to write about these days. And my mind is such a whirlwind that I can’t even remember who I’ve told about my dad and his brain surgery a few weeks ago. Have I even written about it here? That’s a later post if not. I woke on the day afterContinue reading “Sunday”
When a woman spends time cutting a sailboat into pieces, under the tallest pecans for 100 miles…
Well. About 15 years ago my ever adventurous dad parked his 30 foot sailboat in their backyard down by the creek lining the bottom of the property. It sat there for a while, under the towering pecans, until a storm made the creek flood and picked the boat clean off the trailer, spun it, andContinue reading “When a woman spends time cutting a sailboat into pieces, under the tallest pecans for 100 miles…”
Punishment
“It is a mourning, to be broken for one we love. And it doesn’t heal easily or quickly. I’m over three years now from walking away from who I thought was the love of my life and still not the same. It is unfair how we punish ourselves.” I wrote this today to my longestContinue reading “Punishment”
Prime of My Life
My entire existence I’ve been told “a woman’s sexual prime is in her 40’s…I looked forward to feeling that rush, that high, of being there. Feeling more myself than ever. Having a confidence I couldn’t have imagined before. Of being seen by others in a light I never had. In many ways most of thoseContinue reading “Prime of My Life”
Ocean
Just was watching an episode of 1883 and reached a part (no spoilers) of a character dying when they shouldn’t. In grief, their partner sat beside their grave with a gun in their hand, wishing to join them. Then came the captain of the wagon train and he said something I likely will never forget:Continue reading “Ocean”
“Almost none of us commit suicide, and almost all of us self-destruct.”
It’s a cold and breezy morning here, wind is blustering in grey clouds and there’s a chill in the air that belongs on green Irish moors, not Texas in (almost) April. This morning I’m introspective and for the first time in weeks I didn’t wake with an overwhelming dread, anxiety closing off the world aroundContinue reading ““Almost none of us commit suicide, and almost all of us self-destruct.””
Loss of a family
I miss my parents tonight. Growing up a Jehovah’s Witness they were my entire world. Our little congregation was all I knew. My father, a pilot, a machinist, a pirate, a fascinating big-hearted man. My mother a hippie, nature-loving, passionate, creative artist. All of course within the confines of the expectations of the religion. MyContinue reading “Loss of a family”
Snow in Texas …And thoughts on needing to NOT be needed
We haven’t had so much snow in this area in forty years I think. It’s charming and reminds me of being in Idaho this time last year. I think it’s beautiful even as it reminds me of what I left behind. I need to be not needed. More than I need water, or air. IContinue reading “Snow in Texas …And thoughts on needing to NOT be needed”
“But she who dares not grasp the thorn, should never crave the rose.” ― Anne Bronte
I kept at it, my palm sticky and wet red, Grabbing again and again, until I changed hands, My right my left The wounds grew jagged and wept and dried black On the edges. I’d been doing this a long time now, Even though the flower had thrown me away she was the one whoContinue reading ““But she who dares not grasp the thorn, should never crave the rose.” ― Anne Bronte”
A Burd in Flight 