This. Through all the heartache. The numbness that’s plagued me for the past five years. This is why I don’t regret loving who I’ve loved. Because it’s all part of me. And knowing I’m capable of so much passion and love is a wonderful thing. My muse needs to be myself, and it always was,Continue reading “From Every Beautiful Mile by Ashley Manley”
Tag Archives: breakup
Punishment
“It is a mourning, to be broken for one we love. And it doesn’t heal easily or quickly. I’m over three years now from walking away from who I thought was the love of my life and still not the same. It is unfair how we punish ourselves.” I wrote this today to my longestContinue reading “Punishment”
Music
Is still so hard for me. It was our love language, how we ached for one another, how we wooed, preened one another’s feathers. My eyes flutter shut when I remember the smell and taste of her under me while we listened to our love story playlist. How she would call me “Grasshopper”. How itContinue reading “Music”
Ocean
Just was watching an episode of 1883 and reached a part (no spoilers) of a character dying when they shouldn’t. In grief, their partner sat beside their grave with a gun in their hand, wishing to join them. Then came the captain of the wagon train and he said something I likely will never forget:Continue reading “Ocean”
“But she who dares not grasp the thorn, should never crave the rose.” ― Anne Bronte
I kept at it, my palm sticky and wet red, Grabbing again and again, until I changed hands, My right my left The wounds grew jagged and wept and dried black On the edges. I’d been doing this a long time now, Even though the flower had thrown me away she was the one whoContinue reading ““But she who dares not grasp the thorn, should never crave the rose.” ― Anne Bronte”
Not her fault or mine.
I was driving home yesterday and it struck me. A switch flipped. Just like getting sober, a switch flipped. I finally comprehend that my Stardust simply wasn’t right for me. And it’s not anyone’s fault. She couldn’t know at the beginning that she’d never trust me. And she tried so hard. I, in turn, couldn’tContinue reading “Not her fault or mine.”
Because why not
I haven’t felt pretty in ever so long. Months and months. She knew how to make me feel pretty and loved, and voiced so many words of adoration almost every day that now I wonder if those too are a lie. I wonder if she was wrong and so am I and I’m a monsterContinue reading “Because why not”
The love of my life
She was. So much of me still believes she is, and will always be. As much as I’m sobbing now missing her I was sobbing when I was with her. She really tried. She did. So hard. She gave herself as much as she could. I don’t blame her for the things she bore beforeContinue reading “The love of my life”
Didn’t have a chance in hell
Crumbling cliff’s edge before me, yet another precipice hard fought for another fright that makes my feet tingle so strongly I feel I’m tiptoeing through clouds and all I’m doing is standing here Alone Wolf Howling under my breath so as not to shake the boulders from the sides because if I do they’ll tumbleContinue reading “Didn’t have a chance in hell”
Darkest mirror, yes, I still miss her
I’m not calling names or pointing fingers. Honestly, I know very damn clearly that all of us have narcissistic traits. Every one of us. This article helped me come to terms with still missing her now and then, my Stardust. Because in her shined the things I loved most about myself. As much as IContinue reading “Darkest mirror, yes, I still miss her”
A Burd in Flight 